It all began simply enough, a family of three sentient bears came home to find that while they were away, someone had taken advantage of the fact that they never thought to invest in a lock.
“Somebody’s been eating my porridge.” The Papa Bear declared, looking down at bowel with a spoonful out of it.
“Somebody’s been eating my porridge.” The Mama Bear repeated, taking the handle of the spoon that was still in the porcelain bowl.
“Somebody’s been eating my porridge!” The Baby Bear spoke up, “And they ate it all! The whole bowel!”
Well, at least we only have to throw out two bowels. The Mama Bear thought as they walked into the sitting room, trying to figure out what in the world was going on.
#
The family found the sitting room in even worst state.
“Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” Papa Bear exclaimed, though there was little evidence of that.
“Somebody’s been sitting in my chair, too.” Mama Bear added, looking at the imprint in the velvet pillow in the seat.
“Somebody’s been sitting in my chair!” Baby Bear added, standing over the wreckage of a shattered wooden chair, “And it broke! They broke my chair!” Baby Bear was starting to feel this intruder had something against him.
#
Finally, the family made their way to bedroom, keeping Baby Bear in the back for his own safety. There they found the covers on their bed folded back, as if someone had got out of them.
“Somebody’s been sleeping in my bed!” Papa Bear roared.
“Somebody’s been sleeping in my bed! Mama Bear repeated.
“Somebody’s been sleeping in my bed, too!” Baby Bear exclaimed, running over to it and seeing the blonde head of a human girl under the cover, “And there she is!”
The blonde intruder was awoken by the noise, her eyes fluttered open to find saw three large bipedal brown bears surrounding her. She got up screaming and tried to make a break for it, only to feel two large hands wrap around her.
“Oh, no you don’t!” Papa Bear shouted, as Mama Bear grabbed a sheet from one of the beds. They tightly bundled up the intruder, placing her back on the bed.
“Please don’t eat me!” The intruder cried, struggling to get free, but the make-shift bindings were too tight.
“Maybe you should have thought about that,” Papa Bear responded, reaching out in poking her stomach, “Before you stuffed yourself with our porridge!”
The blonde intruder started to cry.
“She doesn’t really look she’d be good eating.” Mama Bear commented, “You know what they say about humans. And she’s scrawny, not a lot meat there. Plus, eating something that can talk back is kind of awkward.” Sentient bears tended to be much pickier about their meals then their non-sentient counterparts.
“Well, then what else are we supposed to do with her?” Papa Bear argued.
“You could let me go.” The intruder spoke up.
“Stay out of this.” Papa Beak snapped, causing the human intruder to whimper.
“Can we keep her?” Baby Bear spoke up.
“What do you mean keep her?” Mama Bear asked.
“Yes, what do you mean keep me?” The blonde spoke up.
“What did I say?” Papa Bear reminded her.
“Like a pet.” Baby Bear elaborated as if the side conversation wasn’t happening, “You said I was old enough to have one. Can we keep her? Please, please, please, please, please!”
Mama bear looked over at Papa Bear. “Oh, so eating her would be awkward, but this wouldn’t be?!” He exclaimed.
“We did say he was old enough.” Mama Bear pointed out.
Suddenly, Papa Bear’s son’s pleading eyes were too much to bear. “Alright.” He relented, “We can keep her.”
#
They christened the intruder Goldilocks, after her golden hair, and kept her there by a rope leash around her waist, which they either held onto or tied to a piece of furniture. Of course, this arrangement was not ideal, especially for Goldilocks, who kept attempting to get free, or worse, complain.
“Do you realize how dehumanizing this is?” She exclaimed one day as Mama Bear and Baby Bear took her for a walk.
“Mama, what does dehumanizing mean?” Baby asked.
“It means,” Goldilocks said, working at the knot, “Treating humans less than human. like keeping them on a leash like a dog!”
“Well, maybe you should’ve thought about that before breaking into our house and sleeping in our beds.” Mama Bear commented.
#
Goldilocks was staring up at the ceiling bored to tears while Papa Bear was working on the new chair for his son.
“I spy with my little eye, something you don’t see.” Goldilocks began.
“Don’t start.” Papa Bear responded, “I’m not playing with you.”
“Oh, come on, I’m bored!” The girl moaned, “You’ve all been busy for hours and I literally have nothing to do.”
“Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you broke into our house and destroyed our furniture.” Papa Bear replied before getting back to work.
“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” Goldilocks lamented, raising up.
“Can you find me someone who would let someone live down breaking and entering?!”
#
Even later that week Goldilocks found herself alone, tethered to a chair leg in the kitchen. Using the full length the rope gave her, she reached the oven and the cabinet she started looking for a knife. To her frustration, she could find none. Goldilocks eyed the door. Did she dare hope they had not learned their lesson and left the door unlocked?
She ran to the door throwing it open. Yes! Sweet freedom was mere steps away. However, as she walked out the door, she realized one small problem.
The chair was still weighing her down.
Goldilocks walked back over to it, picking up the chair and dragging it back through the doorway. It slowed her escape, but at least she was moving.
She dragged the chair into the woods outside of the house. Suddenly she felt something hard as she tripped on a rock, sending her to the ground, the chair on top of her, the rope knotting up. She struggled, only to get more tangled. Suddenly she saw a brown bear about her height, break through the woods.
“Goldi?” Baby Bear asked, “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” Goldilocks snapped, “I was trying to get out of here, only to get trapped because I was tied to this chair, and please, please don’t say maybe I should’ve thought of that before I broke into your house, ate your food, broke your furniture, and slept in your beds!”
“I wasn’t going to say that.” Baby Bear, trying to help her get untangled.
Suddenly Goldilocks felt guilty. Despite him being partially responsible for her current predicament, she liked Baby Bear. He was sweet. And she just snapped at him.
“I’m sorry.” She said, softly.
“It’s alright.” Baby Bear responded, still trying to untangle her but only making it worse, “I’m gonna go get Mama or Papa. Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.”
“No, no, no, no, don’t—” Goldilocks sputtered, but it was too late. Baby Bear was gone to get ‘help’. Blowing a piece of hair that fell into her face in frustrated, she folded her arms and waited.
Fortunately, Mama Bear was able to get Goldilocks free. Unfortunately, she re-tethered the girl to the table leg.
#
Then came the day they were all sat around the table, Goldilocks included thought she didn’t have a chair, eating porridge when Baby Bear cried out in pain, then exclaimed, “It’s too hot again!”
“So’s mine.” Mama Bear commented, “Honey, maybe we could take a walk to let it cool?”
“Are you sure, dear?” Papa Bear asked, “Remember what happened last time?” He eyed Goldilocks, causing her to shriek back.
“We’ll lock the door this time.” Mama Bear reasoned.
“Alright then.” Papa Bear said, pushing his chair back, “Let’s go.”
“Can Goldie come too?!” Baby Bear spoke up.
His parents froze for a moment and at last Papa Bear said, “I don’t think that’s good idea, son.”
“Why not?” Baby Bear asked.
Because she’s annoying to everyone but you? They both thought, but Mama Bear said, “It might be hard to keep up with her.”
“I can keep up with her.” Baby Bear protested, “She won’t be any trouble will you, Goldilocks?”
Seeing an opportunity to escape, or at least a chance to get out the house for a little bit Goldilocks said, “No, I won’t. I promise.”
Mama Bear and Papa Bear exchanged looks. Papa Bear sighed, already knowing he was going to regret this. “Alright, she can come.”
“Yes!” Baby Bear beamed while Goldilocks smiled.
#
The walk started off fairly well, Papa Bear and Mama Bear upfront talking with Baby Bear behind the and Goldilocks behind him on her leash. It was actually kind of pleasant. Then, after fifteen minutes, Goldilocks said, “I have to pee.”
“Then wait until we get back to the house.” Papa Bear ordered.
“There’s a bush right over there.” Goldilocks insisted, “I’ll just be a minute.”
“You do realize how many layers of clothing you wear?” Papa Bear reminded her. While sentient bears did wear clothing, they were much simpler in comparison to humans of that time.
“Please Mr. Bear!” Goldilocks pleaded, “Please can we just stop for a minute?”
Papa Bear sighed. This was exactly what he feared was going to happen. “Alright but be quick about it.”
Goldilocks ran for the bush, Baby Bear behind her. As she stepped in, she asked, “Baby Bear, could you turn around, please?”
“Why?” Baby Bear asked.
“Baby, I’m a girl.” Goldilocks replied in a whisper, “We need privacy to do these kinds of things.”
“Alright.” Baby Bear agreed, though he still don’t realize what the big deal was, turning around.
Goldilocks felt kind of bad about what she was going to do. If had been anyone but Baby Bear maybe she wouldn’t have felt so guilty. But still if she wanted her freedom back, it had to be. She pulled hard, causing the rope least to slip from his hand.
Realize what had happened, Baby Bear called out, “Goldie!” and ran after her. He only managed a few feet before he tripped over a rock, falling on his face.
“I’m sorry, Baby Bear!” Goldilocks said, still running the leash, trailing behind her.
Hearing the noise Mama Bear and Papa Bear went to investigate. “What happened?” Mama Bear asked, as they helped him to his feet, “Where’s Goldilocks?”
“She ran off.” Baby Bear said, pointing in the direction she ran.
The older bears were honestly relieved, but Baby Bear exclaimed, “We got to find her!”
And so, they spent the majority of the morning fruitlessly searching for their wayward human. A little afternoon they gave up the search. That was also about the time Goldilocks made it into the nearest village and was being very vague about where she had been this while time.
As they walked into the house, Papa Bear walked around the house to make sure they hadn’t been broken into again as Mama Bear comforted their son. “It’s for the best honey.” She said, “If this experience has taught us anything, it’s that humans make terrible pets.