We open on a dark, empty cavern, illuminated by a bright, white-sih blue eternal-looking light. We can see a young woman creeping down the tunnel. We can see the young woman looks like, for lack of a better word, that she had gone through the ringer. She is barefoot, in a tattered powder-blue robe smeared with dirt and muck with sleeve half-ripped off, her auburn hair is a matted mess, sticking to her face.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “My name is Tesla Palmer, I ‘m a twenty-one year old pizza waitress, I have a sorted dating history that taught me a lot of odd skills which I’m grateful for at the moment, and for the past two weeks, or even a month, or month and a half I’m honestly not sure if this point, I’ve been stuck in an enchanted forest world of some kind. Please, don’t ask me what’s it’s called, I haven’t had time to ask, I’ve been too busy trying to not get eaten, because EVERYTHING HAS BEEN TRYING TO EAT ME! Since I landed here, I’ve been nearly boiled, roasted, beheaded and mauled by ogres, trolls, goblins, sentient wolves bears, witches, two different types of dragons, elves…yes, even the elves are carnivorous here! But I’m getting ahead of myself here.
The scene changes to a field, where see Tesla dressed in contemporary clothes, a white dress shirt and black dress slacks, her hair done up in a bun. She has a professional-looking camera and appears to be taking a picture.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “It all started when I was in a local park, taking pictures. The waitressing job pays the bills, but this is my passion. Which makes it a shame that I’ll probably never see that camera again.”
She noticed something in the trees. She starts to walk closer to it, actually stepping into the forest.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “Word of advice, if you ever see a bright light in the forest, turn around and run. Run as fast as you can.”
Tesla gets closer to the light; we see it’s like the same one we saw a few moments ago. Tesla stares at it, mesmerized, she keeps walking, passing through the light only to find herself in a dense forest. Tesla turns around.
TESLA: “What the- “
Tesla voice trailed off into screams as she is scooped up in a net. She kicks and fails, trying to get free.
TESLA: “Hey! Hey! A little help here! Anybody there?! Anybody!”
Suddenly several large figures cast shadows over the net and Tesla shirks back, a shocked look on her face.
Cut to Tesla still in the net, now attached to a thick free branch carried by huge muscular hairless creatures; gray- green with two horns sat on the back of their heads, except for two females in the groups who have no horns. They all are dressed in leathern armor. As they travel Tesla kicks and trashes in the snare.
TESLA’s VOICE-OVER NARATION: “Another word of advice, ogres, at least the ones I’ve encountered, are rather dumb, and will believe anything you tell them. And I mean anything. As you’ll soon see.”
The Ogres take her to small clearing in the trees where a giant black iron cauldron is sitting above strategically placed sticks.
TESLA: “What? Is? That?”
ORGE ONE (Gesturing with a thumb towards the pot.):” Light fire. Put food in.”
The two ogres carry Tesla over the pot.
TESLA: “What are you doing? No, no, no, don’t! ( One ogre starts the fire while another hold Tesla over the pot. ) I have a last request about how I’d like to be cooked!”
The Ogres pause for a moment, looking at her quizzically.
TESLA’s VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “Yeah, I didn’t really think it would work either.”
TESLA: “You’re get a much better meal if you cook me up with a mushroom blend. I’m thinking enoki, buttons, beech, cremini, maybe even oyster or morsels, if you could find them.”
The ogres give her confused looks.
TESLA: “They’re types of mushrooms. (Beat) Oh, and maybe some oregano and thyme, while you’re at it. (Beat) Those are spices. Trust me, I’ll be delicious.”
TESLA’s VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “Yeah, I use to date one of the cooks at the restraunt, who is vastly overqualified.”
ORGE 2: “Eh, too much work.”
They began to lower Tesla back into the pot.
TESLA: “No, it totally isn’t! If you hold off long enough just gather a couple of mushrooms and herbs, I promise you, you will have the best meal of your lives. This is like, company level delicious. It’s totally worth the effort.”
Cut to Tesla, still in the net, which is now hanging in a nearby tree, listing off ingredients to the ogres.
TESLA: “And thyme, that’s, uh, also, green, but thinner and with purple bubs.”
ORGE 1 (Nodding): “Thanks, food.”
The ogres begin to walk off, into the woods.
TESLA (STRAINED AND SCARCASTICLY): “Don’t mention it.”
Tesla stays completely still until she’s sure that the ogres are one, then she began to carefully pull at the net, examining the cable it’s made of. Finding a weak spot, she begins to pull until it rips. Suddenly, the net falls from the tree, causing Telsa to let out a startled yelp. After a moment on the ground, she rises to her feet, briefly dusts of her front, then and runs in the opposite direction from where the ogres went.
TESLA’S VOICE -OVER NARRATION: “I owe the cook a fruit basket for that first save, if I ever manage to get back.”
Cut to Tesla, walking through the forest, which starts to get thicker and darker. She hears a noise and turns around, wide-eyed and mouth agape, only to find nothing there. Turning around she continues, eyes darting around.
TESLA (Muttering To Herself): “Pull yourself together, Telsa, you’re loosing it. In fact you may have already lost it…”
Just then she breaks through some of the trees into a small clearing, still shadowed by forest, a small wooden cottage colored in shades of brown.
Telsa stars at it for a moment, then slowly approaches, knocking on the door.
TESLA’S VOICEOVER NARRATION: “I know what you’re thinking. But in my defense, I hadn’t had enough encounters to see the pattern yet, and I was hoping for a quick end to this C. S. Lewis LSD nightmare.”
The head of a woman in her mid-twenties sticks out, wispy light brown hair falling past her shoulders.
DORABELLA: “Oh. (She steps out) Hello. (Takes Tesla by the hand.) Come in, come in.”
TESLA (Awkwardly and strained, while letting herself be gathered into the cottage.):” Um, thanks. I’m, uh, I think I’m lost. I also just—I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I think I was just nearly killed by ogres, or maybe orcs, I don’t know which is which or are they same, I suddenly wish I was more into fantasy…”
They are now in a small, cozy-looking kitchen area with round, bejeweled copper bowel in the center of it, smooth table behind a giant old-fashioned oven.
DORABELLA (Gently guiding Telsa over to a chair at the table and sitting her down in it.): “This area, probably ogres. Well, it sounds like you’ve had quite an ordeal. You could use a good cup of tea after all that.”
TESLA (Looking around the room as her host levitates a black kettle over a small fire.): “Ah, I wouldn’t turn it down, but really, I just want to know where I am and how I got here and… (It’s then she realizes the kettle is being levitated.) And how are you doing that?”
DORABELLA (Turning around): “They don’t have witches where you come from?”
Tesla stared for a moment, her mouth agape.
TESLA: “I’m sorry, did you just say witches?”
DORABELLA: “So you have heard of our people?”
TESLA: “Yes, but…wait a second, if you’re some kind of which, does that mean you can help me get home? I mean, assuming you’re the helpful type of witch and not the type that hexes everyone and… (swallows thickly) eats people?”
DORABELLA (Sitting a brown, forest green and off-white tea pout on table and taking the kettle off the fire.):“Perhaps me and my sisters can do something for you when they get back.”
TESLA: “Sisters?”
DORABELLA: “Yes, I have two, they should be here any minute.”
She puts her hand into the water in the bejeweled bowel, and it changes to show an image of two women, both brunettes, who bare of reslemce to Dorabella, except the younger one has more of a button nose, and the eldest’s hair is a bit curlier, partly covered with a long green scarf. The younger one is carrying a basket.
DORABELLA: “See? They’re on their way now.”
Just then the door opens, the youngest coming in first, stopping when she sees Tesla.
CHRISTABEL: “Oh, Dorry, where did—”
DORABELLA (Running Up To Her Sisters): “Sisters, this is—um…”
TESLA: “Tesla.”
DORABELLA: “Yes, Tesla. She found our cottage after being attacked by ogres. (Gives pointed, knowing looks to her sisters.) I told her that perhaps we could help her get home.”
CHRISTABEL (Nodding): “Right.”
BELLADONNA: “Of course.”
DORABELLA: “Tesla these are my sisters, Belladonna and Christabel. They’ll keep you company while I go gather…” (She looks unsure of what to say.)
CHRISTABEL: “Things that might be helpful.”
DORABELlA: “Yes! Things that might be helpful in getting you home.”
Dorabella quickly leaves, Tesla narrowing her eyes in suspicion, sensing something is not right. However, before she can think on it much more, she has a steaming cup of tea shoved in front of her.
BELLADONNA (Smiling):” Have some tea, dearie. Seems you’ve earned it.”
Telsa picks up the cups when Christabel pushes a sugar bowel and creamer in front of her.
CHRISTABEL (Already picking up sugar cubes with a set of small tongs.):“Please, have some milk and sugar.”
BELLADONNA (Narrowing her eyes.):“I’m not sure that’s quite necessary, Christy.”
CHRISTABEL: “Oh, alright.”
Tesla begins to apprehensively sip, eyeing the two women uncomfortably as they fawn over her, Belladonna stroking her hair.
Cut Tesla, hands in front of her, trying to politely decline a plate of buttered crumpets as the door opens up, Dorabella walking in with a large bundle of twigs and small logs.
TESLA: “No thank you, really, I couldn’t eat another thing.”
CHRISTABEL: “Really, I insist—”
BELLADONNA (Snapping.): “For the love of mercy, Christabel, we’re not fattening her up, not after what happen last time with those German brats!”
Everyone freezes for a moment, Tesla realizing she’s walked into a trap, the witch sisters realizing the jig is up.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “Red flag, red flag…”
TESLA (Slowly standing up.): “You know what, thank you for the tea, and the lovely afternoon (slowly backs away from Belladonna and Christabel.) but I think I’ll just be leaving!”
Dorabella steps in front of the door.
DORABELLA (Menacingly.):“You’re not going anywhere.”
Tesla is suddenly thrown back into the chair. Belladonna ties her scarf around Tesla, pinning her arms to her side.
Cut to Tesla struggling to get free as Dorabella loads the wood from earlier in the large oven as Christabel cuts vegetables and Belladonna looks through the spice cabinet.
TESLA: “I should warn you, I’m very– chewy. And-and probably high in calories.”
DORABELLA (Putting kindling in the oven): “And young.”
BELLADONNA (Grabbing a pepper grinder.) “And just when we were starting to get a few gray hairs.”
Tesla looks horrified, then does the only thing left she can think of doing.
TESLA: “Help! Somebody please help me! Help—”
Tesla is cut off by Belladonna wrapping a white cloth around her mouth. She tries to fight her off but fails and her screams become muffled moans. She then takes a pepper grinder and starts sprinkling its contents on Telsa.
TESLA: Mmmph!
Christabel looks up from her cutting and walks back over to Tesla, who tries to move away.
CHRISTABEL: “You know, (pokes at Tesla’s side, causing her to squeak.) she’s a bit skinny. Maybe we should—”
DORABELLA: “No! Last time we fattened a meal up, Belladonna got locked in the oven and we barely got her out in time.”
CHRISTABEL (Marching back over to her sisters.) “Well, if you two hadn ‘t insisted on cooking both at once!”
As the sister’s fight heats up, Tesla slips out of the scarf, removing the gag from over her mouth and running for the door while they’re distracted, this time successfully making it through. The sisters continue to bicker until Dorabella notices something isn’t right.
DORABELLA (Stepping away from the fray):“Hey, where’d she go?”
The sisters stare for a moment as it dawns on them Tesla has escaped.
CHRISTABEL: “This is what we get for tying her with a scarf!”
BELLADONNA: “That scarf was perfectly fine for the job!”
DORABELLA: “Never mind that! We have to find her before something else gets her first!”
Cut to Tesla, running through the woods, ducking under a tree branch then running between two trees.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “So some time after things didn’t work out with the cook, I dated an escape artist who taught me a lot about his craft. Like holding some tension in your body, holding your breath, anything to stretch yourself out when you’re being restrained so that you go slack you have some wiggle room to get free. Makes a lot of difference. I really owe that guy a fruit basket if I get back because it gets full Perils Of Penelope Pitstop up in this piece a few times.
Satisfied she’s lost any pursuers, Tesla stops, panting, looking around.
TESLA’S VOICE OVER NARATION: “So, there I was….”
Shows Tesla walking at a brisk pace, looking around vigilantly.
TESLA’S VOICE OVER NARATION: “It wasn’t as if I knew where I was going before, but was completely lost by then, so for the next few days I wondered aimlessly, hoping some clue as to which way I came would present itself.”
Shot of Tesla picking red berries off a bush.
TESLA’S VOICE OVER NARATION: “Eating little bits of berries and nuts I could figure out weren’t poisonous….”
Shot of Tesla walking again but stopping as bushes started to shake.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “Running at the sound of every broken twig or sight of shaking bushes.”
Tesla runs screaming just as a hand breaks through.
Cut of Tesla running through the woods, looking back as ran, then continued to run.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “Eventually I had to sleep.”
Cut to Tesla, curled up in an almost fetal position in a ticket position. Suddenly, the head of a small, green creature with large, pointed ears pops out, followed by two more. They began to whisper in a strange language.
Cut to a close up of Telsa’s face, grunting and more strange language in the background. Her eyes slowly open and hears something going on around her. She looks up far enough to see two goblins securing a thick black strap below Telsa’s breast.
TESLA (Still processing what she’s seeing):“Huh?”
The shot changes to reveal that Tesla has been strapped down to a rustic-looking wooden sled with thick black straps around her abdomen, knees and ankles.
TELSA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “You see what I mean?”
Her arms and hands free, Telsa reaches for the buckle of the closest restraint, only for the goblin to spat her hand away before jumping off and saying something to the others as they all grab at the sled handles and begin to pull, dragging it—and Tesla, along.
Telsa continues to pull at the straps, trying to unbuckle them, only for various goblins to lept up and pull her hands away. This goes on until they come to a clearing in the forest, where a pile of sticks have been gathered, next to a small pot, a pile of mushrooms, and goblin chopping onions and carrots.
TESLA (Grabbing At Her Head):“Oh, not again…”
The goblins jump off her and begin to work, three goblins filling the small pot with water and the mushrooms, while the rest begin to construct the fire. Meanwhile, Tesla begins to work at the strap again.
While the goblins are distracted Tesla makes quick work of the first strap, then uses her arm to raise herself into a sitting position, then unbuckles the straps around her knees and ankles. Using her arms again, she raises herself up to stand on slightly wobbly legs. Once she steadies herself, she begins to run, only for the goblins to finally take notice of her again.
GOBLIN: “Faigh I !”
In an instant, they are all upon her. Tesla slaps and hits at them, sending some flying, it’s clear they have the number. However, in the middle of the fight, a loud, fierce growling comes from the trees, causing everyone to freeze mid-battle.
Gaining their senses back, the goblins lept off Tesla and run in the opposite direction of the growling, yelping and crying out, leaving a bewildered Tesla turn every which-way. Two large gray bipedal looks come lumbering out of the woods. Seeing Tesla, they rush at her from behind, each one grabbing her by the arm, causing Tesla to let out a startle yelp, her eyes darting between the two, knowing this isn’t good.
ROMULOUS: “Come with us.”
TESLA (Being forcibly pushed into the forest by the wolves.):“Like I have a choice!”
Cut to the wolves forcing Tesla along through the woods, as she digs her feet into the ground.
ROMULOUS: “Come along!”
REMUS: “You know, Rom, I’m starting to think that maybe these humans are just more trouble than they’re worth. “
ROMULOUS: “She’s delicacy, Remus. Of course, she’s worth it. “
REMUS: “That’s what Anubis thought, too, remember, what happened to him.”
Tesla nearly trips over her own two feet, but the wolves pull her up.
REMUS: “Got cut in half with an ax! An ax! I don’t know about you, but I don’t much fancy being ax-murdered, do you?”
ROMULOUS: “And who exactly is going to ax-murder us?!”
As if on cue, something zings through the air in a blur, an arrow hitting Romulus right in the arm, causing him to howl in pain let go of Tesla, who uses the opportunity to pull herself out of Remus grip and run.
REMUS: “See?! I told you something like this would happen!”
The scene changes to reveal that their attackers are a small group of slender, ethereal-looking creatures with pointy ears sticking out from long hair in various shades of blonde, dressed in seemingly lightweight armor.
ELF KING: “Do we have live traps and nets?”
MISTRESS OF THE HUNT: “You, your majesty.”
ELF KING: “Get them. I want that human fresh as possible.”
Tesla runs through the forest, the elves giving chase. She looks around, thinking she might have lost them when suddenly she hears a sound from above. Looking up, she sees several elves in the trees as a net fall down upon her.
Cut to the elves hunting party, traveling back on horseback. Telsa is now sitting on the back of the Elf King’s horse, looking around anxiously.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “So, elves don’t eat people, right? I mean, for the most part elves are the good guys in almost every fantasy story ever. Certainly, even the dark elves or whatever aren’t man eaters. So, if I can just explain that there’s been some kind of huge misunderstanding, I can get them to let me go, right? Maybe even get some help?
Cut to another seen of Telsa up to her shoulders in purple colored foam in a blue marble sunken tub. being attended to by serval silver and blue uniformed elves, one of them messaging Tesla’s shoulders.”
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “Yeah. If you thought that was actually going to happen, you haven’t been paying attention. I have to admit, either way, those baths were pretty nice. I had gotten really dirty out there.”
The elven servants help Tesla from the bathtub, putting a blue brocade robe around her before guiding her into an adjacent room. It is luxurious, with a four-post bed made of dark, lacquered wood, and a small Rococo styled gold leaf covered table. On top of the table sits a craved ivory plater loaded down with tapenade smothered Canapes. An elven maid steers Telsa by her shoulders to the table. Tesla reluctantly sits down, staring at the food apprehensively as the staff stares at her expectantly. Finally, Tesla picks up a Canapes and bites it.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize what was going on here. Still, it gave me time to think of a plan to escape.”
Cut to the platter being taken away and Tesla closely watching the path of the elven serving boy who takes it out, just as an elven maid walked in, carrying another tray, of pate swirled on small pieces of toast, put right in front of Tesla.
Cut to that tray, clean, and the same severing boy taking the plate. As he opens the door, Tesla stands up, intending to make a break for it, only to be grabbed by two of the maids and dragged back towards the bathing aera.
ELEVEN MAID: “Come along, dearie. There’s some preparation we can do before the soup course comes.”
Cut to three elven maids messaging Tesla with oils, while another rubs her feet. An elven steward pops his head in.
STEWARD: “The artichoke soup is here.”
Tesla is led back out to table, where a steamy bowl of pale creamy soup is waiting. Sitting down, she begrudgingly begins to eat.
Cut to the next course, slices of buttery prefou. Making an annoyed face, she begins to eat.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “From what I could tell, there was one way in and out of the room, and that was the door they were bringing the courses through. From there, if I could get to the gate, they brought me through, maybe I could get out of there. Or if I could make it to the courtyard, I might be able to find a way out. Of course, I had to figure out how to get out of the door without getting dogpiled by the maids. And I only had eight more courses left to do it.”
As soon as the appetizer plate is taken away, a salad plate loaded with light leafy watercress and crinkled romaine, topped with carrots and tomatoes, drizzled with a golden Dijon mustard dressing.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “Make that seven more courses.”
TESLA (In disbelief, looking to the staff.):“A salad course? Really?”
Cut to two maid’s wrapping measuring tape around Tesla’s waist. She doesn’t seem to have gained much weight, but her rope is visibly a bit tighter.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER-NARATION: “Stupid fairy tale world with its stupid fairy tale time frames.”
Just then the severing boy comes in with a craved ivory bowl containing a red broth with flaky fish sticking out of it in a mound.
TESLA (Perplexed):“Another soup course? (Eyes the soup carefully.) You know, I don’t think you’re supposed to use Bouillabaisse for a fish course. The whole point of the firsh course is to be lighter.”
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “When I said the cook was overqualified, I meant it. I might have just being spiteful at this point, but I really owe him a fruit basket or a thank you note, or something.”
TESLA (Sounding resigned and exasperated.): “Oh, alright.”
Tesla starts to sit down when she suddenly gets an idea. Slinging the bowel across the table, she sends fish broth as well as the rest of the ingredients and the bowl across the room, causing the elven staff to run for cover and she breaks for the door, making it out this time.
Cut to Tesla running down the hall in her bare feet, slipping and sliding on the polished marble floor, stopping herself before she falls.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “Stupid elves and they’re stupid over-waxed marble floors!”
Tesla turns to see several guards and servants giving chase. She turns right around and keeps running, turning down the hall, where sees a glassless window. Taking a chance, she dives for it, sticking her whole upper body through and realizing she’s two stories above the ground.
TESLA: “Whoa! Whoa! Okay, this isn’t…”
She starts to shimmy back into the castle, only to realize the guards and staff are almost there. She starts to go back out of the window.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “I was going to have to make it work.”
Telsa throughs herself over the side of the window, dangling from the ledge by her hands as she desperately looks for a safe way to the ground. Just as the clamoring guards and staff show and attempt to pull her up, a shadow falls over all of them.
The scene changes to reveal the green and light brown marbled belly of a dragon. The elves pull back and Tesla is snatched up by the shoulders and carried off, being flown further away from the castle.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “Yeah, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind…”
The scene changes to the dragon flying with captive Tesla to the mountains, where the dragon sets her down in a bed of large brown eggs with dark speckles. She looks around, her eyes widening in the realization that this is the dragon’s nest. She closes her eyes and flinches, prepared for the end, but instead the dragon just sits down on the eyes, thought the mother dragon barely misses crushing Tesla. Tesla opened her eyes and looks around, then seems to let her body untense as she realizes she’s not about to be eaten—right now.
The scene changes to night. As the mother dragon snoozes, Tesla, trying make as little noise as possible, creeps away from the nest.
Cut to Tesla, her back to the side of the mountain, trying to carefully move down a thing stretch of trail. She looks back. So far nothing is following her. Suddenly a chuck of the trail falls off, causing Tesla to gasp and cling tighter to the side of the mountain.
Tesla freezes for a moment, too scared to move. Out of the corner of her eye she sees what looks like the mouth of a cave. If she could just get a little closer, at least she could have shelter while she regrouped.
Tesla inhales, then exhales before taking a few steps forward, then pausing. Then a few more. Finally, when she reaches the mouth of the cave, she hurries inside.
The cave is dark and appears to be empty. Tesla steps a little deeper into the cave.
TESLA: “Hello? Anything that wants to eat me in here?”
Tesla takes a few more steps, walking deeper into the cave, before sliding down against a stalagmite, running her fingers through her hair. Exhausted from the ordeal, she fights to stay awake. However, her eyes still flutter shut, and she drifts into unconsciousness.
As Tesla comes to, she can feel herself moving. Her eyes slowly opening, and she can see a dimly lit cavern ceiling that is moving as she travels.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “Not again…”
The scene changes to reveal six trolls while they’re not giant proportions, even the smallest is a head taller than Tesla. Each of them, both male and female, have hair that goes down to their ankles, hairless tales sticking out from beneath them. They’re all in earth tones, dripping in beads and bracelets and/or anklets. They walk at a steady pace through a dimly lit tunnel, carrying a struggling Telsa above their heads.
TESLA (Struggling to get down and failing.): Ah, excuse but I can take it from here, guys, if you’ll just let me down—”
JIJEL: “Venjo…”
VENJO: “Just ignore her, Jijel.”
JIJEL: “You know I hate it when the food talks back, it’s always so awkward…”
VENJO: “It’ll be worth it. I mean, just wait until Granny and Grandpa see.”
JIJIEL: “They have always raved about human.”
TESLA (Managing To Turn Over): “Hey!”
The trolls don’t listen, turning a corner and arriving at the mouth of a large underground cavern, revealing a large group of both adult and juvenile trolls.
VENJO: “Hey! Everybody! (Pauses as everyone stops what they’re doing and turns to look at the group.) Look what we found for lunch! Or maybe dinner!”
Cut the juvenile trolls, ‘playing’ with Tesla, pulling on her hair and examining her toes.
TELSA (Kicking To Get Away): “Hey! Stop that! (Calls out to the adult trolls) Could you control your children, please?!”
Cut to the adults, who are arguing over how to cook Tesla.
VENJO: “Have you seen how many of us there are. The best way to make sure everyone gets some is some sort of stew.”
REJI: “I still think she’s tase better if we roasted her. Brings out different flavors.”
MELKREE: “Maybe we could sprinkle some sage of sauce Robert. ”
Everyone just stars at him for a moment.
REJI: “Where are we going to find the stuff for that, Mel?”
MELKREE: “Well, excuse me for wanting to get a little more sophisticated than roasting, Reji!”
LARRY: “Why do we have to cook her all fancy? I say we just squish her into a jel—”
EVERY ADULT TROLL AT ONCE: “No Larry!”
VENJO: “We are not turning her into meat jelly!”
REJI: “That’s disgusting.”
GRANDPA: “I question that boy’s pallet.”
The scene shifts to Tesla, who is crawling on the cavern floor away from a group of roughhousing troll children. Grabbing onto a stalagmite, she uses it to pull herself up and look around. Spotting an opening, she runs for it, panting for breath.
JUVENILE TROLL: “Hey, Mom! Supper’s escaping!”
The adult trolls all turn to see Tesla hurrying away down the tunnel, the juvenile trolls already in pursuit.
MALE TROLL: “Get her!”
Tesla speeds up as much as she can, only for dozens of troll hands to grab onto her, pulling her back into the cavern. Jijel grabs her arm and pins her to a stalagmite.
TESLA: “Come on guys, can’t we talk about this? (Reji begins to loosely wind cord around Tesla’s upper body, tying her to the stalagmite.) Look, there’s got to be better things to eat up here with me. Juicer things. Tastier things. Things that can’t make a case for you not to eat it.”
LARRY: “Well we don’t have any of those things, do we?”
REJI (Pausing.):“Larry, don’t argue with the food. Don’t.”
Cut to the adult trolls gathered while Granny Troll rummages through a small tin. She pauses, and then pulls out a small note card in victory.
GRANNY TROLL: “I found it! The eleven herbs and spices!”
Cut to Tesla, who had managed to free herself from the stalagmite, using it to pull herself and makes another break for it.
JUVENILE TROLL: “Ma! Supper’s escaping! Again!”
The troll family clamors, running after Tesla, who tries to keep a step ahead but is unsteady on her feet. As of them grabs her shoulder she bites down on their hand.
VENJO: “Eyoow!”
Telsa manages to gain a little speed after that, turning down one tunnel, then another, until she loses the trolls. Panting, she lowers herself to the ground, trying to look around in the darkness.
TESLA: “Now to find a way out of here.”
Cut to Tesla, back on her feet, carefully creeping through the dark tunnel. Feeling something against her shoulder, she turns around only to see nothing. She continues to walk until something pulls at her sleeve, stopping her. She turns, her eyes widening with horror as she sees the strains of a web, holding her in place. She starts to pull but can’t get free.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARATION: “Oh no.”
Suddenly there is movement from inside the cavern, and suddenly light through a crack reveals a giant tarantula-like spider lumbering towards Tesla.
Tesla frantically pulls, trying to get herself free to no avail. Thinking fast, she rips her sleeves, tearing it off to get free, and runs down the nearest tunnel.
The spider continues to chase until its pincers get stuck in the tiny hole, trashing around. Seizing the opportunity, Telsa continues to run, only to trip and fall, continuing to slide down the tunnel as she flops around. At last, she grabs a rock.
The ceiling is so slow, Telsa decides to crawl. Seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, she crawls towards it, movement strengthening with her hope.
The scene changes, revealing another seemingly empty cave. Tesla sticks her head out and looks around, a smile breaking out on her face. She quickly crawls out, following the light.
Cut to Telsa, walking up to the mouth of the cave, revealing a crisp blue sky. She sighs in relief, beginning to step when suddenly she I grabbed from behind, a large brown furry paw covering her mouth.
Cut to Telsa in a pool of water, bathing, while two bipedal bears and in the corner.
BEAR ONE: “I have no recipes for human.”
BEAR TWO: “I’ve never even seen one before. (Turns his head.) Girl, are you done yet?!”
TESLA (Voice Strained): “Just a little bit longer! You don’t want me to be unsanitary, do you?”
Bear Two groans.
BEAR ONE: “You were the one who wanted to clear her.”
BEAR TWO: “Did you want to eat her with that dirt on her?”
Bear One sighs.
BEAR TWO: “You know, I think she’s stalling. They say these things are smart.”
BEAR ONE: “Alright, you go gather some nuts and berries and wood, I’ll go drag her out of the bathing hole.”
Cut to Telsa, who is out of the hole and putting her now filthy and tattered robe back on, looking back. Seeing no way to get to the mouth of the cave, she starts towards the back, hoping to find a way back to the tunnels. Suddenly a paw grasps on her and pulls her back.
BEAR ONE: “Oh no, you don’t! (Begins dragging a struggling Tesla back.) We are staying here and waiting for my brother…”
LARRY: (Off Camera): “Hey! That’s ours!”
Cut to reveal the trolls marching into the cave, all looking angry.
LARRY: “That is our supper! I saw her. We stole her from the elves. We have a spice recipe that taste fantastic with humans. We get to eat her!”
BEAR ONE: “Well you should have kept a better eye on her—wait, did you say you have a spice recipe?”
Cut back to the trolls’ cavern, where Tesla is sat in a cartoonishly large black pot, up to her chest in water teaming with herbs and spices with an apple in her mouth, whimpering as Granny dumps the berries and nuts Bear Two gathered in.
GRANNY (Stepping Back) : “We’re ready.”
Bear One leans down lights the fire, causing Tesla to let out a frightened squeak as the water starts to boil, squirming to get free as Granny stirs the water in the pot.
Tesla began struggling, moving around in the pot, causing it to move slightly. However, freeing herself is taking some time. As the fire begins to blaze, Tesla whimpers as the water becomes uncomfortably hot. Finally, Tesla managed to free her arms, pushing at the side of the pot.
LARRY: “Hey!”
VENJO: “Relax, Larry. It’s not like she can get out.”
Just then Telsa managed to topple the pot over, sending water and various ingredients everywhere. Removing the wet rope, she runs for it.
This time she has enough of a head start to stay out of their reach, turning into the nearest opening to hide from them. She holds her breath as they run past. Once she is satisfied, they’re gone, she creeps deeper into the cave. As she creeps deeper into the cave, a figure starts to move.
Light from an opening the cave reveals a dark red and brunt orange dragon, rising up and glaring at her.
TESLA (Running for it.): “No, no, no, no, no!”
The fire dragon gives chase, running after Tesla and opening its mouth, producing a long strand of flame. Tesla manages to duck it, making it back to the tunnel.
Cut to a montage of Tesla trying to feel her away around the tunnels, until she sees a bright white light, much like the one that brought her here in the first place. She begins to follow it.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “So, I guess that brings us full circle. I’m hoping that light will lead me to way home, but I honestly don’t know. It’s worth a shot, because I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.”
Tesla gets closer to the light. Suddenly it engulfs her and everything is white.
Just as suddenly, Tesla finds herself back in the park a few feet away from where she dropped her camera. She quickly picks it up and gets to her feet.
TESLA: “Hello? Hello? Anything man-eating out there?”
RANDOM STRANGER: “Hey! You okay there, love?!”
Tesla looks up see a man in contemporary clothes walking the dog. Her face lights up.
TESLA: “I’m more than alright, I’m great! I made it! (Raises her arms in victory) Whoop! (Kisses the ground than spits out a mouthful of grass.) Probably shouldn’t had done that.”
Tesla gets up and runs off to her car, slamming the door as he gets inside and locking it.
TESLA’S VOICE-OVER NARRATION: “I never did go back to that park, or figured out what the light was, or where I had been. I was just grateful to be alive and that time hadn’t passed so I still had a job. The cook did get that fruit basket. So did the escape artist. Neither of them understood why. It took a bit for me to deal with the trauma, I couldn’t exactly go to a therapist, could I? But somehow, I pulled through. Sometimes I still wondered exactly what happened that day. But perhaps there are some mysteries that it’s best remains mysterious.”